Firman Ebrahim

Assalamualaikum, dear self.

For these past few days, my mind, my heart even my walks full with Firman's image. I was like hypnotised by his charisma. Totally fall in love with him. The way he talks, the way he flirts and etc. A Thousand Years also keeps on playing in ma mind.

 But, sometimes Firman's image resembles him. Ain't that good?

No!

The resemble-part is when Firman hurt her with his words. This part reminds me of him. It hurts. The painful part is when I even hold my words back from saying anything, now.

When I didn't response, he urges me to talk to. But, when I did, I was kinda blaming him, he said.

I did explain to him. 3 texts given to him.

He replied. He was driving that time.

Pause.

Around 8pm, he texted me. Just to inform that he safely arrived. That's it. Yes, that's it.

No sign at all to discuss what was hanging before.

So?

Swallow my own pride.

Get up.

Keep walking.

I don't want to know now what will happen tomorrow. Sometimes, I wonder, why we both keep hurting ourselves? Attacking one another with painful words? Why can't we stay cool and peace  for a moment?

When my silence took over me, it meant I don't want to say any painful words that will hurting him. Why can't he understand?  But, when I did explain myself, why he said I was like blaming him?

Tell me, please. What should I do?

I read, I heard, when your partner is not in a good mood, stay still, don't say a word. Later, it will become even worst. Let your partner cool down first, only then, talk nicely. Discuss properly.

But, I did both!

I remain silent.
Also, I did explain myself.

Ain't that funny?!



Ps: I just want to prepare myself to meet Him, The Almighty Allah. I miss Makkah and Madinah so much. Allahu! It hurts.